Very venemous vitriolic invective

We have one kitten (Puddle) left! Saturday’s adoption fair was a huge success; three of our kittens got adopted out. I think it helped that I stayed there the whole time to answer questions and “sell” our kittens. People seemed to like knowing that I had hundreds of flickr photos to share with them.

I posted a craigslist listing for our last kitten on Monday. Here’s the text of my posting:

We have a two-month old male white kitten with ginger-striped tail (and slightly ginger-toned ears), blue eyes. Gorgeous and friendly with a mellow personality and the hugest purr you’ve ever heard! He is litter box trained, neutered, vaccinated, and ready for a good home.

He will be at the SPCA adoption fair on Saturday, September 22 at the Davis Petco (1341 W Covell Blvd # B, off of Covell exit on Highway 113), from 12 pm – 3:30 pm. The SPCA adoption fee is $90, which covers neuter, vaccinations, feline leukemia etc. testing, and microchipping.

Email me if you’d like to meet him in person before then!

Later in the evening, I got an email with the Craigslist post in the subject line. Excited about a possible kitten inquiry, I opened the email but a flood of bitter, angry words poured out, burned through my screen, and scorched my keyboard, sent by a lady whom I’ll call “Judy:”

Why do you ask so much? Plus, in Sacramento they give SENIORS a discount, but you don’t. Why is that?????? There are tons and tons of FREE kittens and adult cats on Craigslist. I know the low cost spay & neuter clinics aren’t that much. It is no wonder you have so many cats that need homes. How ‘bout getting these UCD vets and vet students to donate neutering and spaying for “the animals sake”???? And, on top of the fee, you make such a big deal out of applying and qualifying. Yes, I know what you say, and your reasons. And, a simply short form, and a vet’s referral would suffice!!!!

I will never adopt my next kitty from you people, with what you make us go through. and the fee you charge.

Sincerely,
“Judy”

“Judy’s” Pet Sitting service also. Plus I’ve owned and loved many kitties until they were old and gray, and I love them dearly until they are gone.

Sad to say, I couldn’t help but, well, laugh. I immediately fired off a reply:

Hi “Judy”,
I’m sorry you are so upset. I am not actually part of the SPCA, just a foster family for the kittens that we happened to find. You might find it more helpful to talk to someone who is actually part of the SPCA.
Corrie

But as it usually goes, immediately after pushing the “send” button, a slew of other great email responses with better grammar came to mind:

Dear “Judy”,
I’m sorry you are upset and that you spent so much energy writing an email to me, but I am not part of the SPCA and have no control over their policies so it was pretty much a waste of time for you, although rather amusing for me. We found a mother cat and kittens and have already adopted four kittens out through the SPCA, so it seems that others don’t share your opinions.
Hope you have a wonderful day.
Corrie

And…

Dear “Judy”,
You sound very angry. Why don’t you go to Petco in person and tell the SPCA volunteers exactly what you think of them? It seems that you don’t have a problem expressing yourself, but unfortunately I’m not the right person to talk to as I have nothing to do with setting the adoption fee cost or procedures for cats.
Corrie

Or, in haiku form:

Dear Angry “Judy”,
I regret to inform you
That you have mis-shot.

Though you are outraged,
The SPCA I’m not…
Though I am flattered.

I hope you treat cats
Better than you treat humans
Within an email.

With my best regards
To your poor question-mark key
Which seems quite abused,

Corrie

I haven’t yet heard back from “Judy”. Too bad. We could have had a wonderful relationship.

On a more serious note, however, we chose to not give our kittens away for free but to adopt them through the SPCA because of the “rigorous” application process, which ensures that the kittens are really going to good homes and not becoming fighting dog bait.

Feel free to post your own haikus, limericks, or other responses (keep it clean, folks, my niece sometimes reads this site!) as a creative exercise.

8 thoughts on “Very venemous vitriolic invective

  1. The animal lover world seems to attract more than its share of wanna-be alpha humans. There is always someone who is willing to give you advice.

    I’ve been training and competing in obedience, agility, hunt tests, etc with my Labs for 20 years. Last year, when my young dog was having a “Lab moment”, (terminally excited) one of the wannabes suggested I should consider obedience training and did I know PetSmart has classes. I just smiled and said “yes”. I didn’t say what I thought of PetSmart classes. Or the wannabe. :0

    I am glad to know all the kitties got great homes. Good job!

  2. Thanks, Britt — I’m glad my use of alliteration inspires you.😉

    Splash – Great story, and I like the phrase “wanna-be alpha human”! Although truth be told, we have one kitten still… hopefully this weekend’s adoption fair will go well for him.

  3. DEAR JUDY—-
    ARE YOU SINGLE????? I HAVE LOOKING FOR GREAT WOMAN TO SPONSOR ME COME TO UNITED STATES WHO LOVE CATS!!!! i HAVE MANY ALBANIAN CATS TO BE ADOBT BY YOU, ALL FREEE!!!! i LOVE WOMAN WHO LOVE CATS!!!!
    WE COULD RAISE CATS ALL TOGETHER AND MAKE WONDERFUL LIFE, TO! NO CHARGE FOR CATS TO WONDERFULL LADY WHO LOVE CATS SO MUCH!!!!! PLEASE RESPOND WITH HOME ADDRESS AND YOUR BANK ACCOUNT INFORMATION AS i AM SOLE CAT ALBANIAN CAT ADOBTION REPRESENTATIVE FOR MY COUNTRY AND i HAVE BEEN APPROVED TO GIVE YOU JOB FOR ALBANIAN GOVERNMENT TO PAY FOR MY TICKEET TO UNITED STATES WITH CATS!!!!!

    pLEASE WRITE BACK AND i SEND PICTURE OF ME WITH ALL CATS AND KITEENS, TO.

    i LOVE YOU STRONG WOMAN!

    AGREGIO FELINUS MORDOR

  4. Oh, man, Mike beat me to it, I was going to do one from Nigeria. Oh, well, maybe next time.

    How about a limerick?

    Ms Judy the unhappy cat-lover,
    Was shocked and appalled to discover,
    That Corrie was prone
    To mocking such crones;
    From these jokes she may never recover!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s